Welcome to Cozy Poetry Corner by Debra A Winter (Richter)

(Backyard drama: Fatso shares the latest squirrel gossip.)

“Fatso’ s Opinion: The Neighborhood Gossiper”

I’ll tell you something about Black Tail- that guy thinks he’s the king of bird feeders. One day the humans tossed out a feast; he struts over there so quickly you thought his tail was on fire. Truth is, he’s the neighborhood wimp. Lost all his teeth in a squirrel fight two months ago, so now he only eats soft foods. All the better for the rest of us.

And Stubby? Poor guy got his tail run over by a kid on a motorbike. Ran home squealing like a stuffed pig on Sunday to his mama; she slapped a purple bandage onto his stub and said, “You’ll live.” And he did. Now he’s Stubby forever. Used to be Tommy, but trust me, Stubby fits him better.

White Tail? She’s the quiet one but look out when it’s that time of the month. The Tasmanian devil in high heels begins, biting your head off if you say something wrong. It’s best to avoid her and let her have what she wants on those days.

Every so often, those Cardinals and Blue Jays come around, and they are annoying, always picking at their food. One day I caught them eating my feasts, and I had to scare them away. But they took what they could and left me with nubs. Not even enough to fill my empty belly. I had to resort to another feeder, and they only had seeds I didn’t care for.

And don’t get me going with the bigger animals; there is this humongous dog. You, got to look out for it, I swear it has it out for us squirrels; it makes loud noises that hurt my ears; but be careful, it doesn’t get you; you need to move fast, that house has the best stuff to eat. I visit every day, and the corn chips are delicious. I don’t like the birds hanging around, having to fight them off; they like them too.

But me today? I’m just being lazy and trying to eat breakfast before the whole circus shows up. I’ll leave just a few crumbs, and the birds will get those.